Narcissus.
Narcissus in Greek mythology was a hunter, son of the river god Cephissus and the nymph Liriope. He was proud, and hansom, he disdained those who loved him, driving some to commit suicide to prove their devotion to his striking beauty. Nemesis noticed this behavior and attracted Narcissus to a pool, where he saw his own reflection in the water and fell deeply in love with it. Unable to leave the allure of his reflection in the pool, his love never been reciprocated, Narcissus lost his will to live and committed suicide. In some versions of the myth, Narcissus stared into his reflection until he withered away, where his body disappears a narcissus flower took root.
Definition
Narcissist: Noun:
Narcissist: Noun:
1. A person who is overly self-involved, and often vain and selfish
2. A person who suffers from narcissism, deriving erotic gratification from admiration of his own physical or mental attributes.
Now that we have reviewed the myth and the definition of Narcissist, let talk of Narcissistic personality disorder. NPD is a trait. One is not born with it, NPD is a parenting by products of simultaneously over and under indulging. How? by giving credits on only exterior achievements, "We are going to the best vacation... you are going to be the best player... you are going to be the best looking..." and not building the child's emotional self. The child learn to pair self-worth with only great achievements.We all heard of someone called " he/she is such a narcissist … "
In a social context there is nothing wrong on showing self confidence and been assertive. It is a red flag when one self confidence or assertive attitude hurt others around leaving the perpetrator without any remorse. Been in a relationship with a narcissist is been slowly stripped of all senses and imperceptibly been absorbed in a toxic interaction. The narcissist is a master of manipulator.
These are the 4 steps use by the Narcissist.
1. Love-bombing.
Love Bombing is the first stage of grooming the narcissist will use to convince you, you have met your soulmate. He will idealize you, putting on a pedestal, making you the center of their world, been in constant contact, showering you day and night with attentions, flattery and praise. The idea is that you are the one he was waiting all along.
2. The devaluation.
The devaluation phase follows the idealization phase, covertly criticizing and overtly putting you down, comparing you to others, stonewalling you , emotionally withdrawing from you, ghosting you. You are voice your concern you are left in the dark.
It is during that phase that you will see the true face of the narcissist that this is the person you love . You will blame yourself and struggle to find the man or woman in the beginning of the relationship.
You will work harder to please, you will slowly loose yourself esteem, questioning yourself in every stage of your emotions.
3. Gaslighting.
Gaslighting is a technique abusers use to confuse you, they invalidate and criticize your emotions and displace the blame of their abuse on you.
"you provoked me," "you're too sensitive," "I never said that," "you are abusive," they use gaslight to let you think that they are the victim.
4. Triangulation.
Triangulation consists of bringing the presence of another person into the dynamic of the relationship whether it be an ex-love, a relative or a complete stranger. Triangulation can take place over social media or in person. The narcissist relies on jealousy that cause you to compete for their affections.
"I wish you'd be more like her" "She or he wants me back into his life, I don't know what to do?'
Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms
Believe to be superior
Sense of entitlement
Sense of entitlement
Take advantage of others
Envious of others
Enjoy been the center of attention
Set unrealistic goals
Have wide, fast mood swings
Lacks empathies
Lacks of compassion.
Incredibly insecure
Incredibly charming
Incredibly competitive
Hold Grudges
Don t take criticism
If you are in a relationship with someone who owns at least 6 of these criteria, you may be with someone with narcissist personality disorder. These can be anyone in your live; a family member, a friend, a partner.
How to Free yourself from a Narcissistic relationship.
The person you met in the beginning of your relation was never real. It was just a mean to end. Do not blame yourself either, you were the victim. Your are a survivor, stop the self blame. Now it is time to heal. The first and most important step is "No Contact"
As soon as the narcissist realize he is loosing his control on his victim, he will start again the love bombing technique, then again the gaslights technique. He will know to say all the right thing, apologize, promises.
He will pursue his victim relentlessly or until he will find another supplier to feed his ego.
The victim will search for the person "the narcissist" they met in the begins of they relationship. That person was an illusion, they never was real.
Unlike a typical break-up you will stay fixated and obsessed on your abuser. Like most victim of abuse you will never gets the validation and closure you are looking for.
With time and the "no contact" you will become mentally stronger, with the help of a good support system you will feel better. If you need help reach out to the medical profession, you are not alone.
I do not pretend to have the solution or the answers, Narcissism is a complex disorder, those who are sucked in the gravitational pull of such an individual have a hard time disengaging but it can be done.
My post is to start you on the long journey toward recovery, you will be able to do this; by recognizing the narcissist, then know it was never your fault but you are manipulated to believe you were to be blamed. You will not accept anymore toxic relationship. You will love again. You are a survivor.
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